I Woke Up With Goliath
I Woke Up With Goliath
I was preparing to speak at a major conference. I was expected to have a significant word of direction or wisdom, something for the nation that would equip people in their battles with the forces of darkness.
But I wasn’t prepared. My mind was a million miles away. Because of a combination of situations, I was anxious, worried, and apprehensive. I felt frantic and panicked to the point of emotional paralysis. In that state, I did not care what happened to the nation; I was consumed with finding some way through my own maze of tangled, strangling thoughts. I could not find my way out of being absolutely shut up and shut down in the valley of despair.
Things only got worse. The more I tried to think about what I was going to say at this conference, the more my mind locked up and my emotions went haywire. My chest felt as if there were tight bands around it. My brain felt like it was going to explode and splatter against the wall. The more I tried to get myself under control, the more I found myself out of control.
I tried everything.
I read the Bible to myself, silently at first, then aloud, and using every translation I had. That didn’t seem to work.
I began to sing every praise song I could think of. I sang hymns. I put worship music in my CD player and turned up the volume so high that it rocked the house. I love music and music usually works, but not this time. I only got more aggravated, more annoyed, more irritated, and ultimately more hopeless.
I prayed silently. I prayed out loud. Then I just prayed really loud—so loud that I think my neighbors could probably hear me with both their windows and mine closed. I prayed in English. I prayed in the Spirit. None of that worked.
So I tried kneeling down. I hadn’t knelt down to pray in a long time. I usually stood or walked around. I thought that if I knelt down, maybe God would see how intent I was to reach Him and how desperately I needed to break through the war that was gripping me. It still didn’t seem to help.
Then I stood back up. I paced. I knelt again. I yelled, “Help!” None of it worked.
My mind searched desperately for something that would bring a breakthrough. I thought maybe it was because of sin. Had I committed some sin I wasn’t aware of? Was God hiding from me because of it? I asked God if I had disappointed Him in some area of my life. The next thing I knew, a horde of facts descended on me, condemning me. It felt as if all of hell had moved in to keep me company. In fact the horde even crawled in bed with me so that I could not sleep.
Now I was in an even greater emotional mess that I had been in the first place. On top of the already difficult situation, I had just piled on a mountain of self-accusations. I was buried under all of the reasons I would never move forward. I might as well have called and asked the local garbage company to come and dump their week’s worth of garbage on my front lawn because it was there already—invisible to others, but not to me.
I realized that my mind was in such a state that I could only perceive the negative. In fact, I was displaying an amazing ability to turn any positive into a negative, almost instantly. This was suspicious. Finally I began to realize that I was up against something. What was that something? At that point, I recognized my Goliath.
(The above is taken from my book, Taking on Goliath, p. 15-17)
Have you awakened with a Goliath that you have not yet recognized? I declare that God is uncovering that which has set itself against you and delivering the key of victory to you.
And do not [for a moment] be frightened or intimidated in anything by your opponents and adversaries, for such [constancy and fearlessness] will be a clear sign (proof and seal) to them of [their impending] destruction, but [a sure token and evidence] of your deliverance and salvation, and that from God.For you have been granted [the privilege] for Christ’s sake not only to believe in (adhere to, rely on, and trust in) Him, but also to suffer in His behalf. So you are engaged in the same conflict which you saw me [wage] and which you now hear to be mine [still]. (Philippians 1:28-30)
OMG!!! This is exactly where I am!!! My adult daughter is in a very abusive situtation and I can hardly function!! even with all the promises. UGH! Thanks.
Yesterday and today I have felt so emotionally wrecked, nervous, alone, and I felt afraid in my sleep. I feel as though the enemy wants me in a tailspin and feeling hopeless. I’m trying to stay hopeful but it’s been a struggle and I sense the enemy wants me to feel needy and desperate and disallusioned. I pray the Lord will intervene on my behalf.
When I read this passage last spring for the first time I found it very encouraging because it shows that what we think of as ‘negative’ emotions and sometimes associate with emotional ‘instability’ is more likely the enemy’s challenge to a ‘gate’ of opportunity which the Lord has prepared for us. The encouragement comes from the realization that the negative emotions are not to be feared but confronted. (and even where there are a few ‘chinks’ in the emotional armor, the Lord will use what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for our good as we walk through the challenging situation).I also found The Breaker Anointing a valuable book as well.
Thank you for being so open and transparent. When I find myself in the same situation I have come to recgonize something. That as I PURSUE hard after God in the midst of my situation for an answer, that the end result was all for my making. It brought me into a new level of maturity in Christ and stregthened the Faith within me that remained. Your a true women of excellence and I so appreciate the Deborah’s like you that God has raised up in this hour as a forrunner.
Sue Moore
Good word by Mark R. Thank you…very encouraging and I feel much better today. I also had to come to terms with not allowing things that I wanted to be more important than my love for God. He is a jealous God and I do believe He is revealing to us the awesomeness of who He is, and He must be first in our lives.
I just saw this happen within a second of my two children seeing each other for the first time after having a 6 day break from each other. (They had been in a very bad state relationally.)They both became so overwhelmed within seconds that they were back to the terrible place they were before they seperated for the week. The look of fear also came to their faces because they realized it too. It was unreal.
I recognized Goliath several days ago, while doing technology work in Geneva. At the age of 55 and finally pursuing and completing a master’s degree in global technology though UM-Flint, I was overwhelmed with fear and insecurity. I know they came to paralyze me and stop me from moving forward in the plans God has for me. As I cling to God and refuse to quit, I find refuge from the enemy’s onslaught and receive encouragement from my cohort, who have no idea what I’m going through. God amazes me everyday because he truly does grant our need according to His riches in heaven! Thank you for posting “I Woke Up With Goliath”! I absolutely love ALL of your books!
Wow, this word is very timely. The past 5 days I have been really struck with a nasty foe of major fear, anxiety and insecurity; it came on like a title wave and out of nowhere. Thank you so much for your transparency in sharing what you have faced. I honestly haven’t known who to talk to or how to deal with this ugly thing. I have worshiped, prayed, read the Word, read books, taken walks, listened to worship music going to sleep; all to no avail. I have wondered what was wrong with me and why was I suddenly feeling all of I need in each trial. I am going to dig up my Goliath Book as well as the Overcomer’s Anointing and refresh myself on some things. I receive the declaration and key in Jesus name. Thank you again for your faithful obedience to our loving Father. Many blessings to you dear sister.
WOW! I tripped onto this website somehow! I thought I was the only one going thru this!! The spiritual warfare I have been battling the last month has truly been a Goliath!! What has helped me the most, is fasting and praying. Fasting really puts the punch to prayer! So I fast, and I fall to my knees and cry out to God for more grace, and more of His presence to overcome the
enemy. We must remember also, we soooo need to be filled with the Spirit. When we are Spirit filled and we speak the Word of God, angels are released to do the work we have spoken. So, we fight by fasting and praying, and by speaking God’s Word. During these times of attack and strong warfare, we MUST be consistent and purposeful in time of prayer and being in the Word. WE HAVE THE VICTORY!!!! WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS!!!!!
This is my first visit to this site. Today’s date is Sept.10, 2011 from when you posted this on July 19TH. It was at about the time you posted this, I have felt suddenly overwhelmed with weeping, aloneness, isolated, ‘stuck’, anxious, fears, sleepless nights, all the opposite than where I have been in my spiritual walk with the Lord. I’ve felt disconnected from people and from the Lord. It’s the strangest place to be and kept asking the Lord what is wrong with me, what’s happening here.
Although it’s been almost 2 months since you’ve posted this blog,
I am so grateful and been encouraged to come to this website and read the posted messages. I will get your book, “Taking On Goliath”. Thank you!!
this speaks right to the heart of my struggles/challenges through the beginning of art college this semester, giving me clear insight for when these ‘elements’ arise again – for surely they will because the land is mine – Jesus said so, and the giants have to go!!
